Sunday, May 3, 2009

When Thank you isn't enough

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."
Albert Schweittzer

There are times when living with a chronic illness becomes very overwhelming. Your optimism wanes, you begin to wonder if things will ever get better, or if they are always destined to get worse. You wonder if a cure will ever be found for the conditions you have, or sometimes even if it will be discovered what condition you have. There are times it all seems so unfair. You feel sick of being sick. It feels as though the part of you that flickers with hope and optimism is beginning to estinguish, and you begin to accept that this is as good as it gets. I have experienced this a handful of times during my illness. Most recently, I had hit a rather rough patch. I am extremely lucky to be surrounded by many loving family members and friends whom are not willing to allow me to stay down though. Tonight, I want to say thank you to my Best Friend Forever, whom shall be known as ataahua ngeru (AN for short). Today Ataahua ngeru drove the half hour drive to our house and spent the afternoon with my family, playing with the boys and generally cheering us all up. AN has always been there for me, and we have known each other since starting high school, close on 14 years now.

AN knew I'd been having a hard time of late. She had been very worried about me so has been making us meals (Yummy soups!) and coming to visit even when I wasn't well enough to be up and about. We talk about everything, and I always feel so much better having seen her.

Well AN today came with a gift for me. It was a gift of health and happiness. It is a gift which means I will get some advice and guidance in what I can do to nutritionally get my body through the tough times in my chronic illness. It is a gift which means so much to me, that Thank you just doesn't feel like enough.

I'm pondering this tonight. Gratitude, and feeling so fulfilled by something, so happy and peaceful. How can you ever repay that? It's refilled my optimism tanks and relighted my hope, and I'm just about back to feeling like my happy self again!

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