First of all can everyone keep my wonderful friend Claire in their thoughts. She's facing something quite scary over this coming long weekend. I'll be sending lots of positive thoughts her way and would appreciate if you could do the same :)
I'm not feeling too well at the moment. But I'm happy and doing well at the same time. The cycles of chronic illness are so unpredictable, which can cause such frustration when you have plans you desperately want to keep. There's a feeling of lost control over your own body, a difficult thing to explain to someone who hasn't been here. Those well versed with chronic illness in their own lives know what I mean. One morning you feel fine, by that evening you're in pain, or absolutely exhausted, or short of breath, the list goes on.
I however now find the unpredictability somewhat predictable. Confusing? Well, I know for sure my health issues are not going to disappear. I know for sure that certain things, such as lack of sleep, a unhealthy eating day, not resting when my body tells me too all contribute to my not so healthy days. Then there are times I do everything right and still feel yuck. It's going to happen. It's part of my life. It's part of who I am now. It's somewhat predictable. Unreliable, and yet so very reliable at the same time.
So I'm not feeling too well tonight, but I am happy. I am feeling contented. I am being kind to myself and not pushing myself to do more. I am grateful to be in this part of my journey, travelling with happiness rather than towards it.