Thursday, April 9, 2009

Letter to my chronic illness

Using this article I have written my own letters from and to my chronic illness. I suppose it's healing. At the least, it helps to reflect.

Dear Carla,

Congratulations! We are pleased to advise you that you have been chosen to be the host for Dilated Cardiomyopathy, Chronic fatigue, polycystic ovarian disease, drug induced Lupus and a few other as yet un-named chronic illnesses! You will begin to experience the following symptoms, sometimes all at once;

Extreme tiredness. This isn’t your run-of –the-mill get a good night’s sleep and you’ll be fine tiredness. This will be muscle aching, barely able to get up in the morning Extreme fatigue. You’ll be lucky to get through the day without needing a nap!

Arrhythmias and general heart abnormalities. We’ll hit out of nowhere with little to no warning, and continually change triggers so you’ll never completely figure out what causes us! In addition to this, once your heart returns to normal rhythm you’ll feel as though you’ve run a marathon and need to rest for the remainder of the day!

Severe Pain. It’s neat to grow cysts on your ovaries, and you’ll get great stabby pain when they burst. Good times.

Forgetfulness, you’ll never remember what you’re doing or why you went upstairs… until you get back downstairs that is!

As well as all this, we’ve decided your life is much too crowded. In order to fit in this chronic illness, the following is what we’ll take away from you;

The ability to get upstairs without feeling dizzy, nauseas and short of breath

The ability to play and run around with your children like you imagined you would be able to

The ability to be reliable

The ability to maintain a “normal” social life

The ability to function without excessive amounts of prescription medications

The ability to go for walks without your heart racing out of control until you feel as though you may pass out

As indicated previously, this condition is in constant flux and more symptoms will be added as we deem necessary. There is no warranty guarantee, technical support, or customer service available.
Sincerely,Dilated Cardiomyopathy, Chronic fatigue, polycystic ovarian disease, drug induced lupus and a few other as yet un-named chronic illnesses

Dear Dilated Cardiomyopathy, Chronic fatigue, polycystic ovarian disease, drug induced lupus and a few other as yet un-named chronic illnesses

Thanks for your letter informing me of your take over of my body. While I have no say over this matter, I do need to inform you that I have no intention of letting you win. In addition to this, you have actually gifted me many things I would never have learnt without your presence. These include;

Amazing friendships with close, good, true friends

The ability to see the good in myself for who I am, and not what I can/cannot do

Empathy and a desire to help others

A great knowledge of myself, my health and my body

Compassion for all those that are going through rough times

Ability to know that even if it can’t be seen, people may be struggling and deserve our support

Reason to look after myself

Reevaluate my life to see what is really important, and not wasting my energy on those things that do not matter.

You see, you will not find me an agreeable host. I will fight you, I will not give up. On bad days, I will take care of myself. On the good days, I will take advantage of every precious moment. You have thrown some obstacles in my life's journey, but I will go over them or around them, no matter what it takes. In fact, while I am overcoming them, I will stop for a moment to reflect upon the mountain I am climbing, plant a few seeds and then continue on. I will learn and grow from this experience and help others.

PS, Screw you. LOL, now THAT was healing!

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