Distracted

I was just working on a post about my beautiful baby boys when I received a call from a Nurse at my Doctor's office. Recently I haven't been all that comforted by the treatment I have been receiving from them. Especially as I seem to be hitting another patch of ice when it comes to my health issues. I completely forgot what I was going to say, what the whole point of my gorgeous twin post was. And the thing is, they deserve better than that. My boys deserve a beautiful post all about them, with no undertones of medical disturbances in the background.

So I have rethought the matter. I have lovely photos of my two little guys to share. I'm planning to go out and grab some batteries for my camera to get even more tomorrow (Well, in between their morning with their caregiver, Kindy and my Cardiac rehab! Oh and picking Craig up from the main city...). Then on Wednesday I am going to do a very special post all about my boys, what they're up to now they are almost four. Complete with pictures. And not once will illness be mentioned.

But this post, I thought I would share something we did with the boys this weekend. I had a really good day Saturday, managing to get up and play with the twins, go out with them to the park. It was a beautiful fun day. Then on Sunday i felt terrible. I spent most of the day in bed. It was while I was there, listening to my family playing outside in the garden I realised that all the boys knew was that Mummy was sick. Not why, or the reasons why one day I can play and the next we only have little quiet moments together. So I grabbed some paper and crayons and began to draw.

Now I'm not much of a drawer, but I managed to come up with pictures of hearts, two healthy and strong and one with a floppy left side. I drew doctors, a hospital, a picture of us all huggled up together and one of me with a bit of a sad face. I gathered the boys up next to me and told them a story.

I told them about how the heart works, pumping blood around our bodies so we can play. I told them that Mummy's heart was a bit floppy so didn't do such a good job of pumping the blood. That meant (Pointing at the doctor picture) that I visited doctors who gave me medicine to help me feel better. I showed them the medicines and shared with them what each one does. We talked about hospital and how it isn't a scary place but a place filled with Nurses and Doctors working together to make you better. We talked about how mummy gets tired, sometimes slowly and sometimes really suddenly. I let them know that it made me feel sad to have to rest on those days, but it meant I got better quicker so could be playing again soon.

I told them all about the tests I have (important since Ben saw me have one of my ECG's), and how most of them don't hurt. But sometimes the blood tests do a little, but having them cuddle me after made it feel much better. I let them ask questions, talk about how they feel when I'm sick or grumpy because I'm so tired. We let them know they could talk to us any time, or call their Grandparents or Aunties if they wanted someone else to talk to.

Right at the end, when I asked them if there was anything else they wanted to talk about, Benji looked up at me and said "Mummy, do you get scared when you're sick?" I looked at him and contemplated my answer for a few seconds before settling on the truth.

"Sometimes Benny. But I know I have lots of good doctors, friends and family. Most importantly I have you and James and Daddy so that always makes me feel better."

He looked at me, a grin on his face "Really!?" He said in surprise, "Because sometimes I feel a little bit scared as well."

And while I gave them cuddles and we settled in to watch a movie I realised my hesitation about sharing so much with them was wrong. They are getting older now, even if I look at them and still see babies. And now Ben knows he can tell us if he feels scared, and that sometimes even grown-ups feel that way too.

I think it was all about making it age-appropriate and letting them know they both do so much to help me and are wonderful little boys. Hopefully I'm on the right track.

On to the reason I received a call from the doctor's office. Luckily it was from one of the nurses I know quite well. She explained to me that the Immunologist is very interested in my case now and would like certain tests run, the results of which will indicate if I need to go in and meet with him or be passed to someone else. These tests include the cardiac MRI, a range of blood tests and a tuberculosis screening test called a mantoux. I find the fact there are so many people reviewing my medical records at this point in time quite reassuring, hopefully with these Seven! specialists we will finally get everything sorted.