Me "James, please put that toilet roll back in the cupboard"
James: "But it's my Best Frieeennd."
Me: "Then why are you ripping him up all over the carpet?"
James: "I'm not."
Me, walked away deciding this was a battle not worth fighting.
Some time later......
Me:"James, why is your best friend down the toilet?"
James, looking at me as though at a crazy person: "Mum, that's a toilet roll."