Tough Days

Today was not such a great day. I can't recall the last time I felt this tired and worn out. The muscles in my legs are so sore, and my hip joint on the left side was bothering me. It was one of those days where it's tiring just to breath.

I decided to venture out today. Because I had plans to and wanted to get out of the house. In hindsight perhaps it wasn't the best day to be trying to get out. There was just this overwhelming feeling of wanting to live with my illness, and the main word here is live. Sitting around at home may be one of the only things I can manage right now, but it's not living. It's not the way I want to live anyhow. Getting out of the house for an hour, to spend a little time with people I care about, may have been pushing my limits today but it gave me something to focus on and time to think about something other than how much housework I have to catch up on.

Or how much pain I'm in.

Or how I will manage tomorrow, the next day or into the future if I don't start to get out of this flare up soon.

Because the anxiety can become overwhelming when there is nothing else to focus on.

Sometimes, even on the tough days, pushing myself a little is necessary. It's going to be figuring out when it is possible and when to say no that will be the tricky part.