I spent some time pretending to be normal, an experience which has caused me more frustration than peace.
I spent some time avoiding the doctors and just trying to live.
I spent all my time loving my job, my children, my husband, my friends and family.
In the end I have not spent any time on me and trying to accept my chronic illness. It seemed nice at first to be getting better, which I was. To not focus every day on what was wrong with my body.
However I let it get too far. In my desire to avoid doctors, my tendency to blame myself for inexplicable weight gain and my need to feel normal I have ended up very sick again.
Now I think it is time to work on accepting what has happened and what is happening to me. It's hard but I have avoided it long enough. I now see that it is in this acceptance and learning to live with my fragile body I will become well. As well as possible for me, not in comparison to anyone except myself.